The world can inevitably be cruel and dangerous. In a perfect world, everyone would be kind, every place would be safe, and opportunities wouldn't depend on our financial circumstances. This is not the case. As unfortunate as it may be, the world can be even more challenging for our children with disabilities.
It is an instinct to want to shield them from a world where they may be mistreated and discriminated against or to keep them close so that you can protect them from any danger that may surround them. This instinct undoubtedly increases as you find your child struggling with safety, social cues, and independence.
However, our children want to live fulfilling lives filled with work, love, and friends, just like any other person.
Love on the Spectrum is a docuseries on Netflix that follows individuals of all ages on the spectrum on their quest to find love. Throughout the show, here are some impactful quotes from individuals on the show:
“I have so much love to give” -Journey, 18
“I really would like to have someone special with whom I can share the best moments of my life.” -James, 35
“I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone” -Connor, 24
“It would be nice for me to live on my own” -Dani, 28
In this unpredictable world, how can we support our children with disabilities in creating fulfilling lives while also preparing them for “real life”? Here is how:
- Modeling: As you complete everyday tasks, walk your child through each step. Talk to them about what you are doing and why. Try to explicitly explain even the “small stuff,” such as volume/tone of voice, how to be appropriate in the given setting, etc.
Example: If you are at the grocery store with your child, here are some things you can explain and discuss
- Refrigerated vs non-refrigerated items
- Making a list of ingredients to buy
- Appropriately standing in line
- Greeting a cashier
- Who to ask if you can't find something
- How to pay for your items
2. Help them foster friendships and relationships: If we are honest, almost everyone has had difficulty in social situations. As we get older, we start to understand how to handle and thrive in social situations. Making small talk, building healthy relationships, and making friends becomes more manageable. For our children with disabilities, this instinct may not come naturally and often needs to be explicitly taught. Here are some things you can help your child work through:
- Personal space during conversations
- What qualities make a good friend and a bad friend
- What different facial expressions mean
- When hugging is appropriate
- What to do when you have a crush on someone
3. Talk about “What If” Scenarios: We can all agree that if the world were more black and white, life would make much more sense. Unfortunately, life seems to be a grey area, where preparing for some of the cards we are dealt is almost impossible. However, once we handle something new for the first time, it gets much easier each time. This is the same for our children with disabilities. Each time we intentionally expose them to “what-if” scenarios, we help them become equipped and prepared to handle similar situations the next time. Over time, this can lead to them being able to handle the problem independently. Here are some suggestions on “what-if” scenarios that you can help your child prepare for:
- What to do if someone sends a mean text
- What to do if your friend wants you to steal
- What to do if you can`t pay for something
- What to do if you get lost
- What if someone asks for your personal information
Whatever disability your child may face, our job is to foster independence and support them in creating happy lives- whatever that may look like to them.
“Disability is natural. We must stop believing that disabilities keep a person from doing something. Because that's not true. Having a disability doesn't stop me from doing anything”.
-Benjamin Snow, 8th grade
Written by intern McKayla Crayton at Abdnour Weiker, LLP