Meeting with your child’s school can be a great opportunity to discuss issues, ask questions, and collaborate with school staff to help your child succeed. As a parent, you are crucial to these discussions, whether the meeting involves behavior, discipline, special education services, a Section 504 plan, academic performance, or another school-related issue.
School meetings, though, can be often intimidating or overwhelming. You may be given lengthy documents, unfamiliar terminology, new evaluation results, or recommendations that need serious consideration. When emotions are high or time is limited, it can be easy to leave a meeting without completely comprehending what was discussed, what was decided, or what will happen next.
Below are five common mistakes to avoid during school meetings, along with practical steps you can take to feel more prepared and effectively advocate for your child.
#1: Arriving Unprepared
Attending a school meeting without first reviewing the relevant information is one of the most common mistakes that parents make. It can be tempting to assume that during the meeting, the school will explain everything. Unfortunately, meetings can move quickly, and you might not have enough time to consider every document, issue, or suggestion in the moment.
Before the meeting, review recent report cards, progress reports, assessments, discipline records, attendance data, emails, and any current educational plans. Write down your main worries and the questions you want addressed so that the important issues are not overlooked.
It can also be beneficial to ask the school ahead of time who will be attending the meeting and what topics will be covered. If the school plans to review an evaluation, suggested plan, or other key documents, consider requesting a copy before the meeting so you have an opportunity to read it and understand it before the meeting.
How to avoid this mistake:
Make a brief list of your goals for the meeting. Identify your most crucial issues, gather relevant evidence and documentation, and prepare targeted questions for the school to address.
#2: Concentrating Solely on the Issue
It makes sense that you want school staff to be aware of your child’s challenges and concerns. However, a meeting can become less productive if the focus is solely on what is going wrong without also addressing what your child needs going forward.
For example, saying that your child is “falling behind” raises an important issue, but it may not always assist the team in figuring out why your child is struggling or what additional support might be necessary. By giving solid examples and providing questions that are solution-focused, you have the power to help move the conversation forward.
Consider describing when the issue started, how often it occurs, what your child reports at home, and whether any particular strategies or supports have previously worked. The more specific the information, the easier it may be for the team to identify appropriate next steps.
How to avoid this mistake:
Link each issue to a discussion about a potential course of action. Consider asking questions like these:
- What information or data does the school have about this issue?
- Which interventions or supports have been tried before?
- What additional strategies or supports could be considered?
- How will the school assess the effectiveness of a new approach?
- When will the team meet again to review my child’s progress?
#3: Agreeing to Something You Don’t Understand
Unfamiliar educational terminology, acronyms, evaluation results, data, legal requirements, and suggested services are often discussed in school meetings. You should not feel pressured to accept a suggestion that you don’t completely understand.
You may worry that asking too many questions will make you seem difficult or uncooperative. It does not. Asking questions simply means you want to understand the information being presented so you can make informed decisions about your child’s education.
If a staff member uses terminology you are unfamiliar with, ask them to explain it in plain language. If the team is reviewing data or evaluation results, ask about the meaning of the numbers and how they relate to yout child’s and needs. Take the time you need to understand the contents of every document that is provided for review or signature.
How to avoid this mistake:
Ask the team to slow down, clarify information, or provide an alternative explanation. When a meeting is coming to an end, you can also ask for more time to go over paperwork rather than feeling pressured into making a choice right away.
#4: Letting Emotions Overshadow the Principle Issues
School meetings can be emotional, particularly when your child is not progressing, is being treated unfairly, or is not getting the help they need. Those feelings are understandable and valid. However, when frustration begins to take over the conversation, the focus of the meeting may shift away from your child's needs and toward the ongoing conflict between the adults in the room.
You do not have to downplay important issues or avoid difficult conversations. You can be direct, firm, and persistent while keeping the discussion centered on your child and what needs to happen next.
How to avoid this mistake:
Throughout the meeting, check your notes. Returning to the main topic of “What does my child need in order to be successful?” can be beneficial when the conversation gets heated. It can also be helpful to bring a trusted person who can take notes, provide support, and make sure that important questions and issues are addressed.
#5 Depending Just on Verbal Promises
During a school meeting, staff members may decide to take specific steps, like following up on a concern, getting in touch with a teacher, modifying a plan, collecting data, or setting up another meeting. You may leave a school meeting with the impression that everyone has the same understanding of what was decided, only to find out later that everyone remembers the conversation differently.
It can be challenging to confirm a verbal statement weeks or months after the conversation. Creating a written record helps ensure that everyone is on the same page about what was decided, who is responsible for taking action, and what happens next.
How to avoid this mistake:
Request that the meeting notes or any relevant documents highlight significant decisions, responsibilities and next steps. After the meeting, consider sending a polite follow-up email outlining what you understood from the meeting. In addition to creating a written record, this allows the school to clear up any misunderstandings.
Final Words of Advice
To successfully participate in school meetings, parents do not need to be experts in education. Parents can become more effective advocates by planning ahead, asking questions, recording important information, and focusing the meeting on their child’s needs.
If a meeting involves significant concerns related to discipline, discrimination, bullying, special education, or your child’s legal rights, you may also want to consider consulting with an education attorney or advocate for additional guidance.
Written by Dylan Zimberoff, AW Law Intern